I have forgiven my dad.
He will always be my dad.
I will always have a difficult time trusting him and probably being near him.
I will probably also always blame him for why I am the way I am.
It is hard for me to be okay with him because of how my life turned out and what he did.
I do not want crap for this blog. It is how I feel. This blog has taken a lot in me to write. It's been a lot of late nights a tears. But I think it's time to be said. So please understand that this wasn't easy for me.
I will always love my dad. But he ruined my views on a lot of things.
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To begin, this blog is not 100% about him. In fact, this blog is about fathers in general; bad fathers, good fathers, and my opinion on why and how they are different. I know that seems so simple and dumb but I truly believe that bad fathers are the way they are for a reason.
In order to write this blog, I've been getting a little help from a book called She Calls Me Daddy by Robert Wolgemuth. This book is really good and is actually made for dads. In part two of the book, it goes through the seven things you must know. These things are vital for having any kind of relationship with your daughter. They are protection, conversation, affection, discipline, laughter, faith, and conduct.
"Bad Fathers"
Before I start on this very harsh section, I would like to say a few things.
1. There is almost always a reason bad fathers are the way they are.
2. Some men don't understand the importance of a relationship with their kids.
3. Some men just can't handle children.
I believe that the way people are raised reflects directly on who they are about 95% of the time. That other 5% are the people who KNEW that there needed to be a change and THEY made it happen.
First of all, everyone is raised differently. Some people have a ton of money and whatever they want, others have nothing. Some people have never had a care in the world, others have feared their whole lives because of certain people or events that have happened to them. Everyone has their own issues. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not sticking up for the "bad fathers." I'm simply saying that everyone has a plate and some have been overtopped and others have perfect servings. No one is perfect. BUT there are always ways to fix things before it's too late.
I've heard tons of stories of teenage guys and girls who don't get to ever see their dads. In fact a few of my best friends never get to see their parents. Whether it's because of a messy divorce or just the fact that they are always work. Whatever the reason may be, I don't think that anyone understands how incredibly difficult it is to not have a parent around or to not see them all the time until it actually happens to them. The other day, my mom was telling me about my great grandpa, who never really had true relationships with his daughters and I know that it has affected my grandma greatly throughout her life. Personally, my dad and I never a good relationship. He never seemed to care about me in my opinion. I'm sure he did but to me it didn't seem like it. Having a relationship with your child, grandchild, whatever is SO much more important than you think. It affects who they are and who they will become. That's just me speaking from opinion.
Lastly, I have never believed that if a man could get a woman pregnant, that it was okay to leave her. I have heard countless stories of an individual who's dad left their mom to raise that child by themselves. I don't think it's fair at all. A man needs to take action for his responsibilities. If you made a promise to raise a child, don't you dare stop. Stay there. Be there for them. They will need you. They do need you. I promise.
"Good Fathers"
Some fathers are great. Incredible. Wonderful. They are godly men, who have huge hearts and are constantly trying to better themselves. They look out for you. They have a relationship with you. My best friend was the most incredible grandpa there ever was. Donald Summers was everything to me. He taught me how to peel potatoes and carrots. He always played along with my weird acting games I wanted to do. He always loved me. He will forever be my angel. When I think of great dads, I think of 3 others specifically. In my opinion, there are the fathers like my best friend Serena's dad, Russell Allen, and Andrew Mitchell. They are life changers, people worthy of your trust, people you can count on. They have your back. They won't hurt you. They are THERE for you. They check on you when you're sick and have been missing school for a week, even when you aren't even in their class. They give you a bear hug every time they see you cause you know you need it. They share your greatest love of the Florida State Seminoles. They make sure that you're doing okay every time you see them. All these great men that I mentioned above have made me a better person. They have shown me what a dad is supposed to be. They have supported me. I may not be where I wanna be in life but I'm getting there because of their impact on my life. Because of them, the problem is no longer a problem. Their fathering of me has become a solution.
I know I am loved forever. 
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